To my star you were destined for so much more. Shining ever so brightly and bringing a light to my life. You would never understand how you guided me through the darkest of times. Showering me in your beauty, your strength, encasing me in your love. I wish I didn’t burn out so soon. Then maybe we could have danced amongst the others and painted the perfect sky. I’m not sad, only happy that you continue to be as you are. Nothing could ever be greater my star.
A toast is a good way to go into battle
Swords ready and archers aimed high
It’s given you bravery to become victorious
But it has also made you blind to strength
A toast is a good way to make a promise
Assuring those of what’s to come next,
Yet not having a single thing to back it up.
It’s always the thought of incentives to
Carry it through.
A toast is a good way to signify the end
You’ve won the battle and overthrown the
Kingdom. Victory is yours and it is ever
Bittersweet. Though I’m curious to know
Was it words of a snake or that of liquid courage?
Many of my scars have gone from my skin,
Taking away shame and embarrassment.
Even with no proof I still see and feel them
The pain of the burns,the ridges from cuts.
If only the scars in my mind would fade
Then maybe I to could be normal like you.
I would be able to talk and feel okay, but
I get it now I do the scars that fade never really go away
The fight is the hardest thing you’ll do.
Back and forth screaming in the mind.
A psychopath being created in you, taking
over and destroying you inside out.
The fight is the hardest thing you’ll do.
Wishing for peace and begging for sanity,
All the while knowing it’s what you made.
The fight is the hardest thing to do
But once you do you’ll know what’s true.
Tough luck to your empty heart
That void thing that’s yearned
For everything and more.
Tough luck to your shameless sorrows,
Knowing it was pride to do you in, if
Only it was easy.
Easy to realize tough luck is hard to
Could it be that I was truly crazy?
Trapped in a endless cycle of
Trauma with no release.
Could it be that I made up a
Safe space in a bed full of
Thorns? In which your thorns were
Wrapped up of the finest velvet.
At this point I guess we both won’t
know what it could be.
Time unanswered waits for no one. I could count on endless fingers how many times I’ve ignored it’s call. Not because I despise it, but because of what time brings. This endless pit of emotional turmoil. How could you pass me by? Does it not matter that you shorten my life with every stroke you take?
Do you wander aimlessly for me?
Feet heavy with legs of steel.
Taking you through the streets and
narrow fields. I wonder do you wander for me.
Do you ponder about me carefully?
Mind treading leisurely through
Painful memories of the past Reminding
You all that you’ve done. I wonder do you
Ponder about me?
I was 13 years old when I first erased. Taking a cool damp towel to my arm I rubbed until my skin peeled up like eraser shavings. There were no tears only determination to see my skin covered in what looked like 3rd degree burns. If only you could witness the child huddled in the corner trying to erase her trauma to no avail. It was a sight that even this crow won’t forget.
I’m beginning to think my body and mind are drifting from each other. My body lazy as ever just lays always wasting away. My mind has all these bright ideas and big dreams filled with motivation. How do I get them to be on the same page?
Or are they already on the same page? Just silently working together to make me a corpse faster than I am. I want my body to be like my mind. Free, confident, and determined. Yet, that’s not the case. There has to be some dark corner in the back of mind planning my demise.
It’s sending the lowest frequency to my determined mind telling me it’s okay to be a lazy fuck. It’s okay to give up everything to do nothing. Slowly but surely I’m starting to go along with it. How I hate myself for being so weak.
Someone please tell me how to change. Tell me how I can shine light on my dark corner to become all that I should have. I have to catch up with my mind. The positive one to be happy. I know what needs to be done, but yet I cannot do it.